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Saturday, June 9th, 2007
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1:55 pm - New House, New Job, New ________
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New address:
2976 California St.
Berkeley, CA
After a long and stressful house hunt I finally found a place for the next 6 months while I'm working with The Ruckus Society. I'm absolutely stoked. No matter that it has no furniture and I will be in a very urban place I don't know at all.
It's 3 blocks from the BART station so I can BART to downtown Oakland where our office is. It's pretty perfect. I just have to write two papers and find some furniture. Oh, and get my ass up there.
Details, details.
My plane ticket is bought through Ruckus for the 22nd when I head down to Georgia for the US Social Forum. Everything is absolutely crazy right now, but I can't wait to get moved in and start to explore Berkeley.
I also got diagnosed with tendonitis..so I will have to lay off updates even more for awhile. Just wanted to get you all caught up.
Hunger strike went well, we're continuing the struggle. Food is fucking awesome.
Sooo does anyone know what there is to do In Berkeley/have furniture they're not using?
Much love-
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| Monday, May 7th, 2007
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12:47 am - Hunger
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So here I am. Deep in the throes of insomnia and grimly (if distantly) aware of the paper I should be writing.
Wednesday I kick off the UC wide hunger strike to stop making nuclear weapons.
That's right. Hunger strike.
I'm sort of distantly worried that I'm overcommitted at this point, but I can start eating again if I'm too wiped out to do Take Back the Night stuff, right?
Right.
Today someone asked, with a threat of awe, about my time management skills. I doubt I possess any of those.
There are fires everywhere, on the inside I'm starving for justice. Something inside me has been so hungry ever since I can remember for the end of oppression. It drove me out of my home, out of my county, out of everything familiar and peaceful and safe. I don't know why. Hunger burns stronger than my love of my grades and learning and even my love for living. Burning lit by the suffering of people that our society should be able to take care of. Weapons being made that don't need to be. People dying that should be living, children and mothers and fathers forced to work so that others can live like kings.
What I do to myself is nothing compared to what we could potentially do to the world.
It is nothing compared to what we are doing to the people whose land is being torn open for Uranium mining or nucear testing or building enrichment plants. It's nothing compared to the people who are poisoned by nuclear waste.
It is time my outside matched my inside.
Let it begin.
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| Thursday, March 29th, 2007
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10:59 pm - Everything has gone to hell
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Yeah. Pretty much.
So I'm single now. For the first time in almost 10 months. That's 2 months short of year. I basically don't remember how to be single.
I'm sick as a dog. Came down with something two days ago.
Now I get to sit in my empty house in my empty life and ponder just how screwed I am.
Iran is giving us a great excuse to attack them right now. Just what we've been gunning for. It should be noted that we're holding 12 Iranians right now, so they're only even.
So at this moment we remember exactly why we have livejournal. Because otherwise I would be writing an email and hitting the send button to who-knows where.
As if we pray by email now.
Oh god. So emo.
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| Monday, March 19th, 2007
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1:19 pm - Update
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I am the new intern for The Ruckus Society, starting in June in Oakland, Ca. I am pretty much stoked and also apprehensive about living in the city. Anyone have ideas for housing? Let me know.
This morning I made graphs on the data of the Domestic Violence calls the Santa Cruz Police Department. I have to pretend that I am just logging data. Cases involving firearms, cases involving personal weapons (hands, fists, feet, etc)..and on and on. 300. 400. Just long streams of numbers and not thinking, feeling women. I pretend that I am just filing pieces of paper, not media releases on sexual assaults. I pretend, I pretend, I pretend so I can get work done. Because someone has to do it.
And I am changing every day. Changing and changing. I am not sure about anything anymore.
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| Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
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11:21 am - A Little Help From Bill
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You should all watch Bill Moyers' speech to the Convention on Media Reform. It's really appropriate to my last speech, and an excellent analysis of media conglomeration and corporate control.
It's basically a tirade against government, corporate media and the dominant culture. Not to over-radicalize Bill or anything. But it's a great speech, and truly terrifying in it's own way.
It's on Democracy Now from yesterday. Somewhere I'm sure there's a transcript.
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| Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
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11:17 pm - Spin
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I'm tired.
Tired of talking to the media who is just going to confuse the issue and make me sound like a blathering idiot.
I'm seriosuly forgetting in the age of blogging why we even need journalists we have to spoon-feed basic power dynamics and history to.
Don't even get me started on the UCSC administration which is running around like an 8 year old given a million dollar shopping spree.
Basically things are messed up.
I'm tired of deflecting questions about two goddamn people who threw fruit in an isolated incident. You want to talk about violence? How about we talk about the bombs the United States drops on innocent people nearly every week? How about we talk about the UN's new report on Iraqi civilian deaths (which, by the way is astonishing only in the depth of its complete tradgedy)? You want to talk about violence in our society? How can you conveniently forget that we are allowing our government to commit the most heinous acts of violence that will probably go down in history as one of the collossal tragedies of this century?
Yeah. I'll talk about violence all you want. But let's talk about -real- violence here, shouldn't we?
Dare we speak about police brutality?
No. We aren't allowed to talk about those things because we have done so well washing the blood off our hands here in our comfortable little student lives. We have done so well fogetting that we might as well be tossing the bombs on children ourselves. Yes, that's right. It's uncomfortable, isn't it?
The administration has surpassed us in ignorance. It continues to. We are not enforcing the decisions of the few. We are the will of the masses. 70% of America is against the troop surge. When are we going to learn that it's time to enforce some higher laws, and it's time to enforce them with nonviolent resistance. No, not pacifism. Resistance.
So if you think that I'm not a good organizer, not a good student of nonviolence, than fine. Get out here and tell me how to fix it. But if you're going to sit in your chair wasting oxygen and criticising people who are doing good things in the face of danger and criticism you can suck it.
So please, stop wasting my time.
Love,
A Violent UCSC Activist
http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2007/01/15/santacruz
current mood:  pissed off
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| Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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11:43 pm - Uh-oh..
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current music: bad to the Bone
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| Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
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9:51 pm - To Ray
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I thought it must have started raining when you left this morning. I was wrong, of course, because the first rays of the sun were already starting to warm the cold concrete outside. Inside, without you, it was dark.
Hell, missing you was terrifying. It felt like someone had come in the middle of the night and left with one of my limbs. An arm or a leg. That Greyhound bus ride back home was like stretching tiny little strings attached deep in my chest. I guess they were wrapped around you so tight I kept flinching with the gut feeling that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Life is making it impossible to follow my intuition. Or maybe my intuition is clouded by my thoughts of you. The feeling doesn't leave, it just stays there in the pit of my stomach. I choke down an oatmeal raisin cookie from the continental breakfast. God I hate raisins.
I'm terrified that I'm not in control of how I feel being away from you. I am stumbling around with that missing leg.
Now I hop off the dingy Greyhound. My transfer to Oakland is an hour and a half late. So I sit on the dusty floor and think of how far away your plane is.
Then I ride home. That feeling in my stomach still there. Strings stretching farther and farther.
I am realizing as the strings stretch how much I care about you. The way I feel when I'm away from you. Sure, we're in college, practically the place promises are broken. Then there's me, on the bad side of the government with a taste for activism that is akin to a death wish.
But we both knew all that already.
current mood:  pensive
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| Saturday, October 28th, 2006
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8:13 pm - It's Been Too Long, Folks
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I don't even know where to start.
I hate playing catch up on LJ, trying to figure out if I should start with the past or the present.
Hmm..I choose past.
Costa Rica was an incredible experience. I worked in a little community for 2 weeks, living with a family that became my family and working in a community that was more together and finctioning than any community I've seen. Then there was the work, which was the hardest of my life. It was hours and hours of digging ditches in the pouring rain, or weeding for hours in the blistering sun. I was all beautiful though, and I dearly miss the family that took me in as well as the miles of reserve land that I feel connected to.
The second two weeks of my stay we traveled all around the country, seeing both the Pacific and Caribbean sides (though the Pacific side was by far my favorite). I saw the Cloud Forests of Monteverde, the rainforests and volcanos, I ziplined and rappelled and watched a giant sea-turtle lay her eggs in the sand. School children sang us songs and we took over bars in droves and danced the night away. Even this doesn't begin to describe it. Ask me later and I will gush, and I think I still go to the rainforest when I need the comfort and endless wisdom it holds.
But I don't want to dwell in the past when there is injustice right here and now.
Hey, that's dramatic. But I am what I am I suppose, and that's still a drama queen at heart.
However, this time I may have a good reason.
I am actually reeling from the use of mace and hostage-taking by my own University against it's students 2 weeks ago.
During a protest against the UC Regents (the policy-making institution that decides where the student money goes, and has been making those decisions very badly) 3 students were dragged into the building being blocked by a demonstration outside. Understandably, the crowd of people outside ran to the doors the students had been taken into, at which point the police unilaterally maced the entire gathered crowd.
I am told there are some college campuses in other countries where the police are not allowed. I can't imagine that there are campuses where students are free of police harassment and where students feel their administration has their safety in mind.
The images of people I go to school with screaming and crying in agony from the mace keeps replaying over and over in my mind. I was told that I have low-level symptoms of PTSD.
My face and hands burned for 48 hours afterward.
The bottom line is that I'm concerned, now more than ever, about where the University System is headed. I do not want to be part of a system that does violence, both implicit and explicit, to the students that make it exist. I am disgusted at the Administration for allowing this to happen, and then trying to pawn it off on protestors that were being "violent".
I ask you a question: which is more violent, the small incidence of a few people throwing small objects at a largely peaceful demonstration, or University policies that force disadvantaged students out, neglect the voices of it's own students, makes nuclear weapons, pays it's staff poverty wages, and uses police brutality to repress the voices of it's students?
Basically, I'm pissed at the people in power, for making it hard to afford school and succeed, for macing my friends and I, and for treating us like criminals. I am angry at the police for bringing the possibility of felony charges against one of my friends. I am angry that the adminstration refuses to be accountable for the things it allows police to do to students.
I'm angry and I won't stop until we get to decide who the Regents are and what they do with our money.
And to the Pentagon spies who are reading this, I hope you're hearing us loud and clear, because there's nothing you can do to stop us.
To all my friends, I love you, I'll talk to you soon, I'll see you in the streets.
current mood: angry
current music: Neil Young- Needle and the Damage Done
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| Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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2:48 pm - Two More Days in this Country
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T minus two days until liftoff.
Yesterday I rode down from Humboldt on the bus and I'm currently in the Bay Area. Tomorrow I go the anti-Bechtel action (which starts at 10AM in front of the headquarters). Thursday I fly to LA and then to Costa Rica.
Strange leaving Humboldt and knowing I won't be living there-possibly ever again.
I don't miss it. Maybe I will someday-at least the trees.
I do miss the people. Don't miss the bus rides.
Also strange: that I'm just stoked to get out of this country for awhile. People keep telling me to be careful, but honestly the most dangerous place to be an anti-imperialist is right here.
I'm not sure how much I'll be updating this for the next 4 weeks. I have quite a long bus ride out of the rainforest to get to the internet-and 1 day off a week. Hopefully I'll get to this blog. If not, I'll have one hell of an update when I get back. You all take care of yourselves and I'll see you soon. September 8th to be exact.
I will seriously be missing you, but this is something I have to do. Wish me luck.
current mood: Ready
current music: Down, Down - Fallout Boy
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| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
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12:03 am - Chester the Jester
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Tomorrow is my two week warning for Costa Rica. Tomorrow I start taking my Malaria meds. Here's a slightly funny conversation with my doctor about the list of possible side effects (which, believe me, is extensive):
Doctor Chester: "So this will probably make your urine orange in color, I thought I'd mention that. Not to worry."
Janine: "I'm glad you mentioned it, because that kind of thing -would- worry me."
Yes. My doctor's name is Chester.
Tomorrow is also Ray and my 1 month anniversary. I never really thought I'd see anyone for a month again (okay, especially not a boy). The thing is that I miss him constantly, and being away from him is harder than I want to admit to myself-or anyone else in polite conversation. It makes leaving the country really hard, even though it's something I have to do.
The packet on my Costa Rica volunteer assignment has an entire section about "Avoiding Encounters With Snakes (especially at night)." Just stoked about that.
current mood:  lonely
current music: Counting Crows- Colorblind
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| Thursday, July 20th, 2006
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10:25 pm - Kind of Familiar
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The Palestinian poet Mahmoud Darwish wrote this stream-of-consciousness poem during the 1982 bombing. Here is part of it.
Three o’clock. Daybreak riding on fire. A nightmare coming from the sea. Roosters made of metal. Smoke. Metal preparing a feast for metal the master, and a dawn that flares up in all the senses before it breaks. A roaring that chases me out of bed and throws me into this narrow hallway. I want nothing, and I hope for nothing. I can’t direct my limbs in this pandemonium. No time for caution, and no time for time. If I only knew—if I knew how to organize the crush of this death that keeps pouring forth. If only I knew how to liberate the screams held back in a body that no longer feels like mine from the sheer effort spent to save itself in this uninterrupted chaos of shells. “Enough!” “Enough!” I whisper, to find out if I can still do anything that will guide me to myself and point to the abyss opening in six directions. I can’t surrender to this fate, and I can’t resist it. Steel that howls, only to have other steel bark back. The fever of metal is the song of this dawn.
It's from a book of his poems called Memory of Forgetfulness.
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10:10 pm - I adore Jon Stewart
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"The eagle comes out of the egg' [quoting a senator's opinion on stem cells]... by that logic Senator Brownback is a vagina."
-Jon Stewart, The Daily Show
Due to my arm, and various other complications, I've decided not to go to Yearly Meeting. I'll still be in the Bay area for some activist anti-corporate action but I feel like the global situation is too serious for me to spend time sitting down.
Kisses.
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| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
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5:11 pm - Whoops
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The ER just called. Apparently they missed the fracture in my elbow when they saw me before. Whoops, their bad.
Now I have to wear my sling all the time. At least I know why it's been hurting so much now.
Back to the farm for a few days, call the cell.
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| Monday, July 17th, 2006
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8:40 pm - Vaccinations and a Nasty Tumble
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No, nasty tumble is not a sexual innuendo. Sorry.
Got my series of vaccinations for Costa Rica, my leave date being a few weeks away. I got a three shots, for a total of 8 diseases all together. I won't bore you with the details but I'm pretty safe at this point. I'm also taking the oral Typhoid Fever vaccine (a series of 4 pills taken over a week) and Wednesday I'm getting a prescription for Chloroquine, which is the medication for Malaria. Mmmm. Malaria. I was definitely sick for days afterwards, feeling like I had 9 diseases at once. Which I did.
Saturday was fascinating, as it involved my being thrown from a horse. It's alright though, I managed a decent fall (thanks to Aikido) and just wound up in a lot of pain. At first I was sure my arm was broken (as well as ribs) but it turns out I have several bruised ribs and a banged up elbow which is now in a sling. I found out all this after spending hours in the ER in a little gown which didn't close in the back. I did, however, have an amazing gay nurse named Russel who made my day. So now I'm just in pain without the use of my left arm. Nice.
At least they gave me some prescription painkillers.
Anyhow, now I just have to find a place to stay in LA before my flight leaves August 11th at like 1 AM. Any ideas?
Damn, I hurt like hell. Guess that's what I get for playing a little too hard.
current mood: pained
current music: Democracy Now
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| Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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11:33 pm - Quakers, traveling, and this boy in Santa Cruz.
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So the conference in Tacoma ended. It turned out to be an amazing experience. Looking back I'm not sure if I ever expected 1600 quakers from everywhere in North America to be boring, but I was suitably blown away. I think I'm writing an article for our journal about young quakes and activism. Other interesting things include I'm suddenly coordinating the linkage of the nothern Young Friends New Years Gathering with ours, which is something I've never done at all, nor has anyone in awhile. Should be interesting.
After that I wound up riding down to the Bay Area in the back of a pickup truck (it did have a shell and a nice bed in the back which I mostly slept in). After some time seeing the San Francisco Mime Troupe (Godfellas is AMAZING, and irreverently wonderful) I wound up in Santa Cruz to say hi to whoever was around.
But mostly I went there to see the boy I'm now seeing. It seems weird to be seeing someone else after..everything...but he makes me feel like I've never seen anyone before. What can I say? I've fallen again.
Needless to say the past few days have been wonderful, and now going back to work in Humboldt seems more lonely and isolated than ever.
Costa Rica in 31 days. Time for vaccinations!
"Yeah, she's a WHALE." - Xavier
I miss Santa Cruz. I miss you all.
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| Thursday, June 29th, 2006
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10:49 pm - And then I blew all my money on comic books...
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So not -all- my money...just way too much. I'm completely unable to stop myself in comic book stores, I'm a sucker for hot female characters. Also Spawn, of course.
I think I owe an update...
It's T-minus one month until I head to Costa Rica until September. I'm frantically trying to get the money together, I've been working my butt off every chance I get here. Things are comign together though, slowly. I have to get my vaccinations still, 3 shots and the medication for Malaria. It should all be a picnic, can't WAIT to be stabbed with needles 3 times (seriously, no matter how you look at it, one of those is going in my butt).
Tomorrow I head off to Friends General Conference, the national gathering of Quakers in Tacoma, Washington. I'm totally excited to see people, take a workshop on facilitation and publicize for the New Years Gathering I'm co-coordinating. I should be back the 8th.
I'm really busy. It's good, just nuts.
Kisses.
current mood:  crazy
current music: Remy Zero-Bitter
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| Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
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11:49 am - No Mono
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That's right, mono test was negative.
It also involved me getting into a nice conversation with a red neck (complete with mullet and missing teeth) in our little backwoods clinic.
He mentioned that he lost his teeth in the race riots in prison.
Then I happened to glance at the giant swastika tattood on his arm
Probably never going back there.
No mono means I get to go kayaking this weekend, yesssss. Eel river: here I come! Catch you all monday.
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| Sunday, June 18th, 2006
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11:44 pm - Please Adjust Your Life...
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Long story short, Kady, Nicole and I will be living (that's if everything works out, which I think it will) on Pryce Street right behind the Denny's. I'm psyched about living off campus in my first-ever real apartment. Woooohooo! I can't wait to decorate!
I'm also back in Humboldt and already starved for human contact. On the plus side however we have to tear down the buildings behind our hosue in Rio so I get to use power tools and a crowbar to destroy things. I'm pretty interested, however I learned a long time ago that destroying things isn't the best substitute for a social life. Go figure.
I missed saying goodbye to a lot of people, I guess I have to get used to things not having any closure before summer starts. I hope everyone knows that I'll miss them dearly, over the summer and otherwise if you're going off into the wide world (Josh, Sam, I'm talking to you).
But final goodbyes don't exactly match up with life, and we're bound to see each other again, one way or the other.
Take care of yourselves, everyone.
Kisses -
current mood: euphoric
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| Monday, June 12th, 2006
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8:46 pm - Craaaaaap
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Long story short, I might have mono.
Uuuuuhh..probably still worth kissing attractive, sick boys but still SUCKS.
If you've made out with me recently, be warned.
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